That One Regret of Dying Hospital Patients that You Don't Want to Have

Bronnie Ware is a nurse in Australia and she has coached patients who are dying for over 10 years. She started documenting the top regrets people express to themselves just before they pass away during that time. She came to the conclusion after 12 years that this was the most common regret of all:

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Why is this a regret we have so often when we are dying? How can you ensure that you don't experience the same emotions?

Don’t Use Others as Your Beacon

You probably have the ability to make decisions in your daily life if you're reading this article. Fortunately, we are rarely compelled to live in a way that we do not want to. However, a lot of us eventually come to regret not having lived a life more authentic to who we are. You know when you are feeling stuck in neutral that there isn't a clear target. You often find yourself working without clearly defining what needs to be done or hoping for a change without understanding the underlying causes. In other words, you are not being explicit about your priorities or how you plan to achieve them.

You will end up doing what is expected of you if you never make a decision and define what is truly important to you. You tend to do what other people think is right when you don't have a clear purpose in life. That's why we act on the assumption that others want us to because we are unsure of our true desires. In life, the gray areas typically appear when we are still unsure of our beliefs.

The famous author James Clear believes that we have all been in this situation at some point. For that reason, he thinks a lot of us wind up living lives that conform to the expectations of others rather than ones that are authentically our own. James often considers how to live a more significant life rather than a life of urgency and how to improve his ability to live with purpose. His preferred method for being explicit about his actions and motives is something he refers to as the Bullseye Method.

The Bullseye Method

“A skillful archer ought first to know the mark he aims at, and then apply his hand, his bow, his string, his arrow and his motion accordingly. Our counsels go astray because they are not rightly addressed, and have no fixed end. No wind works for the man that has no intended post to sail towards.” - Michel de Montaigne 

The quote mentioned above states: “If you didn’t know where the target was located, you would never fire an arrow and expect to hit the bullseye.” Even yet, this is how we frequently spend our lives. Every day when we wake up and face the world, we keep shooting arrows, but our attention is always diverted from the bullseye.

Becoming the kind of person who never skips a workout, for instance, is the goal if you want to get in shape. That's right on target. However, a lot of us waste time trying to find a tighter string (running shoes), a stronger bow (exercise regimen), or a better arrow (diet plan). All those things are important, but they are useless if you aren't aiming your arrows correctly. The Bullseye Method disregards the things we usually pay attention to, such as strategies, materials, or equipment. Rather, it concentrates on the bullseye's identity and location. It forces us to be honest about what we truly want in life.

So put aside your desires for appearance or performance. "Grow 10 pounds of muscle" or "build a successful business" are not the goals of a bullseye. The bullseye is leading a purposeful life. It involves having a goal and a defined course of action for the things you will do.

What kind of person would you like to be? What kind of principles do you wish to uphold? Which behaviors do you wish to establish as regular habits? Having a purpose to center your life around is the only way to live a life that is authentic to you. Where's the bullseye on your map?

Stop Looking for a Bow

There's nothing more crucial than preciseness when it comes to target location. You will be able to reach your goals if you know what you're after. Lacking a bow and arrow? One way to hit your target is with a rock. You can charge at it with a punch. A gun is something you can purchase. There is only one target, but there are a million ways to get there.

James believes we aim our arrows broadly toward our goals rather than taking the time to consider how we might lead lives that are more in line with our intentions. Before we know where the shots should be going, we must stop firing.

Are you the one who shoots arrows in all directions? Or do you know exactly where you are going? Although it's not simple, the brave steps will seem easy if you take the time to clearly define your goals and values just like James Clear does.